Thankful

My heart is so heavy as I'm typing. It's actually felt this way for the last few days, but tonight there is different kind of deepness to it. I can't figure out where the weight is coming from. Maybe it's the reality that two great people aren't here this time and how much I wish I could see them again, or maybe my lack of sleep along with the rainy day has caused a sadness to bubble up in me. It hit me tonight after talking with one of the kids about how much he misses his mom that he more than likely will probably never see her again because he is afraid to return back to his abusive father. I began to feel his pain and ache because yes I may miss my mom, but I still have the opportunity to see her again and even if he wanted to see her again, finding her might be the biggest challenge. It brightened my soul when he began talking about how much she loved church and God because he too has this much needed Hope inside his heart. There will come a day when they meet again, whether it be here on earth or in our permanent home with God. 

Along with a heavy heart, I have absolutely no idea what day it is. Time goes so fast here and all the days blend together. Right now the Hanleys (the main missionary family) are in the states visiting family and friends. All has been normal since they've been gone except for the fact that the city decides to turn the power off when light is most needed, bed time. Trying to get a three year old and baby to sleep while there is no power and with the sound traveling everywhere makes it impossible some nights. I've never heard "tengo miedo" (I'm scared) or so many screams coming from Yinancia's room so much in my life, but despite the frustrations there have been some fun/ awkward memories made ;) 

**Fiesta night with no power= lots of sugar and dancing :)**

~I'm thankful for how bright the stars and moon become when the whole city loses power.

~I'm thankful for the bonding time spent reading Yinancia back to sleep during the nights the city loses their mind and turns the power off when it's most needed.

~I'm thankful for the cold dribbling shower. It's refreshing :)

~I'm thankful for being able to use 3 languages in 1 sentence.

~I'm thankful for the rainy days that bring cool breezes.

~I'm thankful for the frustration of disobedient children because it means these kids are just like any other children no matter where they have come from. 

~I'm thankful to be living with a baby and Jenna despite the early morning wakeup cries :) 

~I'm thankful that the same God who loves me and gave His son for me, loves these children and is giving me His love for them. 

*I'm also thankful for chapped lips from giving so many kisses*

"For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them."

1 Corinthians 9:19

It has definitely been a while since I've been on here and I always choose to blog at the most inopportune moments (like today since I should be studying for the test I have on Tuesday in the class I'm failing so prayers are appreciated), but today I just had this urge to not just get all of my thoughts out but also to let everyone read them ;) so here we go…

These last three years have been some of the hardest but most beautiful years I've had the privilege to experience in my short 22 years of life. I have experienced pain from heartbreak that I never dreamed could be possible, dealt with anxiety and depression from nursing school to just life, I have gained friends and lost friends, and have had several people whom I have loved be taken from this earth. Through every cringe of heartache and every tear that has fallen over these years, God has not let me fall from His hands. How grateful am I that He who created every ounce of this earth and knows all of us by our names, is jealous for my affection and attention. I am cherished and loved by a God that I continue to wander from and fail daily, but when He sees me, He sees the blood of Christ that was shed to cover all of our failings. He sees His daughter whom He is making "ashes to beauty". He delights in me and dances over me. I am thankful for a loving, funny, awesome (and every other good adjective) God.

If you would have told me 4 years ago that I was about to be spending not just one, but two full summers in a 3rd word country, I would have looked at you like you had 5 heads. But four years ago, I was lost. I was finding pleasure and my hope in worldly things. I was putting people at my number 1 spot and God at my number 5 spot. Lucky for me I found myself so very broken and running to God a few short months later. Everything I had known for so long and that had felt so comfortable to me, was slipping through my fingers and I couldn't get a grasp on it. At the time, it didn't seem fair, but looking back on that year I have never been more thankful to have been as completely broken as I was. God saved me in so many different ways that year. He brought me from MTSU to Samford where I joined the sorority that would eventually introduce me to the place that I now call my second home, Jimani. January 2013 was my first trip to Jimani, let alone my first mission trip ever. I had been dying to go on a mission trip for years, and I was finally getting an opportunity to go. It was what I call a "wing it" trip because I didn't care where I went, I just wanted to go. Our group all originally was planning to go to an orphanage in Haiti, but last minute was changed to Chadasha in Jimani, and I am so glad it was. God knew what He was doing as always. I immediately fell in love and did not want to leave. Thankfully God has changed the desires of my heart from the evilness in this world to a love for His people.

Since that first trip, I have been back three times in the last year. I spent all of last summer, my Christmas break, which was the biggest growing experience, and now I'll be back for a 4th time this summer. I'm asking you to join me in prayers as I am preparing to venture back down, and if you feel led to support me financially don't hesitate to email me for information on how to do so at kledford@samford.edu :) I have full confidence that God will provide.

"No unbelief made him waver concerning the promises of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised."

Romans 4:20-21

Feliz Ano Nuevo :)

What do you do when you feel like your heart is about to explode with love? Love more than you thought possible?! That's the feeling I have right at this moment as I type. I just want to hug everything. If I could physically hug these gorgeous mountains, I would probably hug them and never let go. You can see why too :) 

This is my third time back in Jimani in the last year, and it blows my mind to look at where I am now from where I was this time last year. So much growth and joy comes from simple obedience in the Lord. So much peace comes from obeying. This is one thing we've been trying to engrain in these precious, but stubborn kids heads. 

   (Maikens, Eina, Davince, and Yinancia)

I've only been here for 2 weeks and I'm only here for three more, but that's not long enough. Do you know how hard it is to leave your heart behind 2000 miles away? My thinking over the past few weeks has been the saying, "How lucky am I that I have something so wonderful, that it makes saying goodbye so hard". 

        Kimi and Avila on Christmas Eve

    Anderson had to run all the way here in the rain on Christmas Eve

                Eduardo and Lones

The last few weeks have been filled with lots of food and sweets, and even some presents :) it's definitely been a different Christmas/ New Years for me but I couldn't have asked for anything more. I've missed a lot back home, but there is more joy and peace in my heart than I know what to do with at times especially when there's dancing and fireworks!

      Christmas morning and Pierre      Antoine's 14th birthday

     Peeling potatoes for Christmas Eve    dinner :)

     SO much dancing.. and high school   musical!

Prayer requests:

-Obedience for all missionaries and children here.

-Honesty amongst one another

-integrity, wisdom, and grace for everyone on the children's home campus

-For all of the adults here to love the children well 

-Help with the language barrier (their language= creole, mine=English, both know spanish-a little) :) 

Happy New Year :) 

"And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful." Revelation 21:5