Life

Guys, life is hard.

Over the last few weeks, I have been struggling with old habits and old feelings. I have felt useless, and definitely a lot less worthy than "Gold", but ever since this past summer I have been making declarations using verses and passages from the Bible and declaring them over my life or others. It gives a whole new look on the love God truly has for us. His word is truth and life, and in this perfection, image crazed society we live in in America, it can break you down. I know it definitely has for me, but a few weeks ago I began writing all the truths I could think of how I am truly seen in the eyes of God. After all, He created me and chose me to be one of His many daughters and coheirs with Christ so I must be worth a whole lot more than gold, right?! 

Here is the passage I found in my journal:

"The Lord stands near me. He strengthens me. He is my refuge and ever present help when I face troubles. His ways are greater than mine. He is jealous for my love and calls me His bride. He thinks I am beautiful, and even to die for. He sees no flaw in me because I am His. 

I am loved and wanted by someone who I continuously find myself turning from. He calls me by name, and has made my ashes into beauty. The Lord has given me beautiful feet to spread the good news of all that He has done, and to make love known to those who know no love. He watches over me, and walks before me and beside me. Whom shall I fear? 

He is my protector and my deliver, and in Him I will trust all of my days."

The devil has been getting in my head and succeeding at making me feel useless and confused, but through Christ we are overcomers (Mandisa says it best in her song ;) ) and more powerful than all the evil in this world and out of this world combined. The devil is constantly on the prowl and attacking, and he sure does know my weaknesses, but I am strong and loved and he can never take that away from me. I am continuing to pray for wisdom and strength and daily fighting the desire to be part of this world, but there is far greater joy ahead than what lies here before our puny human eyes. I am also praying for comfort and understanding for the ones closest to me in these next few months as God is giving me another beautiful opportunity to be His tangible love outside of the context I live in now :)

"Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." Luke 1:45

Beauty

I honestly don't know how I am going to be able to get on a plane and fly 1500 miles away from my heart in 9 days. 

This summer has flown by! I've been waking up around the same time every morning just about with an achy feeling in my heart. The kids, especially Caleb, remind me daily how many days I have left (they're the sweetest ;)) and keep asking why I have to leave. Wisquabie was the one who made me realize how little few days I actually had left; he's just making sure I bring a game for the DS when I come back again ha. Sonson has even been tugging at my heart more this week. The other day he told me he wanted me to stay here for a year or longer! Oh how I wish that were possible right now. Even fiesty little Andrecito and Jefri have captured my heart this week with their random kisses. Leaving is going to be painful, but from the pain comes beautiful growth. 

This summer I've been a friend, enemy, sister, mother, teacher, doctor, patient, punching bag, baby, coloring book, rescuer, a smile or hug, driver, mistake maker, but most importantly I've been and forever will be a child of God. God has been revealing Himself and His heart to me more and more each day. I'm learning to love more like Him even when I feel as if I have no more love left in me. He's showing me how to be patient and more caring. He's showing me how to be more like Jesus. As a child of God, I'm figuring out how powerful our lives, words, and actions are, Jesus even said Himself that we will do greater works than Him (John 14:12)! I'm learning just how beautiful and grand my inheritance is as a precious child of God. 

The past few weeks, I've seen God in ways I would have never expected. About 3 weeks ago, Nana and I were taking the day kids home and we were down to three kids left, Eduardo and Iverson, who are brothers, and Andrecito. Andrecito was begging to be the last dropped off but the easiest thing at that time was to take him home first. As soon as we turned on his street, he immediately began pouting and crying. Nana had to pry his fingers off the door and carry him in the house kicking and screaming. Little did we realize, his family had been drinking. His father immediately began whipping him with a measuring tape over and over. We ended up dropping Eduardo and Iverson off at their home and drove back by Andrecito's home to witness and hear more whipping noises. It was constant and now his sister was involved in the beating of her younger brother. We ended up pulling back up to his house and taking him back to the Children's Home with us. This little boy, who had the tendency to push my patience over the edge, was making me sob. My heart shattered for him. This was such a norm to him that when asked if his sister and father would beat him everyday, he would answer joyfully with a sweet, innocent smile "Yes!". He's been living with us now for the past few weeks and there has already been an improvement. He feels safe here and finds trust that he is going to be taken care of. He still has his moments, but we all do! God is teaching me how to love this boy and see him the way he is seen in Heaven. Pray that this boy would gain control over his emotions and learn to fully trust in God and his family here.

I have also had the opportunity to visit Po Plume, Haiti twice this summer now. Po Plume is a small village right on the other side of the border in Haiti where Chadasha supports the people who live there and their church/pastor and school. This village has no running water or electricity, and barely any protection from the rain or sun. 

The first time I was there this summer, we went to take blood samples of some of the children to check their hemoglobin levels. Talk about some loud screams that day, but I don't blame them.

Po plume is surrounded by so much beauty, but they have little to nothing. Please pray for this community and that they would realize how great and beautiful our God is.

Thursday night we witnessed 4 people get baptized here at Chadasha. Two of the four were boys from the children's home who have my whole heart. Caleb (15) and Anderon (11) both asked God into their heart earlier that day and were baptized that night. It was such a blessing from God to witness it. I have been wanting to see my brother Caleb be baptized this summer. He has come so far the past two months and I'm so proud of him and his heart! Anderson, immediately after rising from the water, began sobbing. He let tears pour from his eyes for probably an hour after. I cry thinking of that night. You could feel and see the joy and genuineness in his smile and tears that evening. It was such a beautiful picture of God's love and passion for us.

Caleb with Stephen and John. 

Photo by Erika Neat :)

I pray God continues to grow their heart and their minds in wisdom and knowledge of Him. Pray others here would see God shining through them! God has HUGE plans for these two! Pray they stay focused on Him.

I love these two boys so much and all the other children here! I am so in love with God and thankful for His constant pursuit over our hearts. His love never fails us and He will never forsake us even when our life here on earth doesn't seem to go the way we expect it to. 

Ephesians 1

Romans 6:3-11

God has been at work! Not only in myself, but in these children here. He's moving in big ways answering prayers and softening the hearts of the kids. We're seeing Him move, and He's coming alive in me more and more everyday with every little smile and struggle seen here. The past few weeks have been very trying but very beautiful in their own way also.

God wrecked my heart in January here and He continues to break it even when I think it's impossible for anymore to be wrecked, but all things are possible with God :) (Matthew 19:26). It's one of the biggest blessings having my heart break for what breaks His. I'm beginning to learn to see people how God sees them. About 2 weeks ago, we had our first team of the summer come in. With the group came a lady who is a pediatrician in the States. While she was here, I got the chance to help her with annual, simple check ups with the children. Reality began to hit right in the face, and when reality here hits, it hits hard. I knew most of the kids stories and that they had suffered more in their short life than most people ever will in a lifetime in the States, but I never really opened my eyes or accepted it until that day. I had been so blind and ignorant. I found myself choking back tears throughout the check ups multiple times because God was awakening me to this awful reality. The kids who have had me falling in love with them since January have been abused (mentally, emotionally, physically, & sexually) all their lives. This truth angered me and shattered my heart. All I could do was cry and hold Kimberly as tight as I could. It's moments like those or when you find out one of the children's fathers was so abusive it made him feel safer living on the streets hundreds of miles away than in his own home, that God overflows your heart with more emotion and compassion than you know what to do with. 

I am thankful and grateful for being blessed with a wonderful family and a decently easy life when I don't deserve any more than any of the kids here have. God has been showing me lately how He is my Heavenly Father, and my prayer is that these children would truly know the love that their true Father has for them. He will never leave us. He's always good and beautiful, and His love never fails. I'm praying to know how to love the way He loves.

Photo credit is due to Jenna Scherdell:)

The last week or so, I've been seeing how not only is God my Father, but He's our healer. He's perfect! There have been so many illnesses affecting so many people here, including myself which was not fun. We also had sweet Jomayco land the wrong way after jumping out of a tree causing his arm to break at his elbow. There's a chance that the break will effect his growth plate so prayers for quick and easy recovery and wisdom from the doctors during surgery would be greatly appreciated. 

God is healing bodies, hearts, and wounds (physically and emotionally).

Despite the trauma from last week, hearts are opening this week. There have been prophesies given to the children, and some of them responded with hunger for more. They're hungry for the joy and love of Christ, and they're beginning to see it. It's definitely been an emotionally, exciting week watching, talking, and praying with them. I'm so excited for what God has in store here. Caleb keeps telling us that he wants more of Jesus. Watching him read his prophecy the other night was so awesome. All he kept saying over and over again was "Wow!" God is longing for Caleb's heart! You can see it and feel that Caleb is genuinely starting to understand it all. He's wanting this gift of love! 

"And now Israel, what does The Lord your God require of you, but to fear The Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve The Lord your God with all your heart and with all you soul." Deuteronomy 10:12

Pray that Caleb keeps his heart open and receptive for The Lord. Pray that all these children would have their hearts open more and more to receive The Lord also. 

"Set me as a seal upon your heart,

As a seal upon your arm;

For love is as strong as death,

Jealousy as cruel as the grave;

Its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love, 

Nor can the floods drown it."

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Time is going too fast already. The days are long and hot, but they go by so fast still. God places multiple reminders each day among the hot, crazy days I'm where He wants me. Here are a few :) 

This is Jomayco. My heart seriously melts every time he says my name "Kweesten" with a joyful grin. He has so much love in his heart, but can still turn into a scrapper at times. 

Beautiful Kimberly :) we have "arguments" all the time about how pretty she is. She is quickly stealing my heart along with the rest of them. I pray constantly she would realize how beautifully and wonderfully made she is in Christ.

The kids love coloring pictures and giving them to us and we love receiving them just as much, but this picture is probably my favorite. Sweet 11 year old Sonson made this yesterday. The top of it says Jenna and Kristi(e)n do everything with gentleness and he put our names along with his cousin's, Lones, in hearts. 

Sonson :) This boy quickly captured my heart this trip. Pray for him and his mother. His mother lives in a small Haitian town right across the border called Po Plume where there is no running water or electricity, and the people there really don't have anything at all.

There is nothing like the beauty found here. I'm so in love with this place and so thankful God brought me back. God is so beautiful. This picture is proof.

I wish everyone could experience the beauty and joy that I find here, but there's two side to everything. Despite the beauty, this country and these people are so broken. Please pray that God would break their hearts and help them see who He truly is. Patience and wisdom for the missionaries, interns, and teams are also a major prayer necessity. God is at work here and it's so awesome to see, but where God is working, the devil is working too. The kids are always under attack and struggle with fighting with what they know is the right thing to do. Pray for God to soften and open their hearts for Him. Thanks for all the prayers and support :)  

Galatians 2:20

Jezi se la vim

"God reminded me how beautiful we all are to Him, after all, we were created in His own image, and He looks at me, at you, in all our sweat and dirt and brokenness, and says, "I choose you. You are beautiful.” Katie Davis, kisses from Katie 

Hola from Jimani!

Over the last three days I've done a lot of thinking about how defiant we can be towards such an awesomely wonderful God. We are all such broken people no matter how much we want to deny it.  On the plane ride down to Miami Tuesday morning before reaching the DR, it hit me how loving God really is. I feel like I'm constantly running from Him at times and it's so awesome how He is constantly pursuing us no matter how far or how much we run. He's always one step ahead (or multiple :))I feel like every time before I leave for a mission trip I start to run in the other direction of God totally against my own full desire. Coming to a place like Jimani just reminds me of how loving and gracious He is. I've been so blessed by so much, but the biggest blessing I have found is to be able to walk alongside these people here. My heart is so full being here and I wish everyone could experience the pure joy that can be found amongst such a broken country. 

It's only day two here and God is helping me pick the languages back up so quickly. I want so badly to be able to communicate with these children, and I know it will only take lots of time, patience, and prayer. 

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the flood in Jimani that happened a few years which has affected the lives of many in this community especially one of the boys at the home who lost his mother along with a few other family members. Prayer for peace and comfort with such an emotional memory would be greatly appreciated. 

Another prayer request is that I just want this kids to see so much more of God's love in us. Mostly all of the children here come from some abusive background and don't really fully know what love is so I pray that they will soon fully understand how deep their true Father's love for them is. 

Pictures and more to come soon hopefully :)

Adios for now!

18 days and counting..

So, since I am a terrible journaler, I thought blogging might be a better idea! We will see how this goes..

At this moment I should be studying for my two huge tests and then my three finals coming up in the next two weeks, but I cannot stop thinking about those beautiful, coffee colored, bright eyed kids whose smiles radiate from ear to ear calling my name from 1600 miles away. Those are some loud voices :)

This is Lones. He sneakily stole my heart. 

I pray that these kids see so much more of God than they do of me.

God keeps bringing me back to this beautiful island and His beautiful people here. I've always known I wanted to do some type of mission work, and for years I'd been trying to go. Several trips fell through to Africa and Canada. Haiti and the Dominican were definitely not on my radar one bit. I always felt that was where everybody went and I never saw myself venturing to this island, let alone being brought back 3 times within 5 months. God's plans are way bigger than my own, and I'm humbled by the fact that God has allowed me to go every other month since January. We are His hands and feet and He wants nothing more than for us to love Him and glorify His name by sharing His love and the perfect gift of life that has been freely given to us. We are not our own.

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations

 baptizing them in the name of the Father 

and of the Son 

and of the Holy Spirit, 

teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you;

 and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

We have such a precious, vital gift that as believers we're called to share. I love how David Platt says that the ultimate picture of hate is not telling others about what Christ has done and keeping it to ourselves. This didn't hit me until just a few months ago. It's a daily struggle dying to myself and living for Him, but I want nothing more than to serve Him with everything I do. Ever since my first trip in January, I have felt like I was Isaiah saying "Here am I, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) except it's been much more of a begging response coming from me. 

I am still in shock that in a little over 2 weeks I will be back with these beautiful people for a whole 2 months. It's going to be very trying at times, and I'm sure I'm going to miss my family and friends at times, but nothing can make me more joyful or happy than basking and walking in the Lord's will for my life. Lots of prayers are going to be needed for safety and the preparation of my heart and the people's heart there. God is so beautiful and good, who wouldn't want to call Him Father :)

"How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news.

Who proclaims peace,

Who brings glad tidings of good things,

Who proclaims salvation,

Who says to Zion,

"Your God reigns!""

Isaiah 52:7

Back to studying I go.. Have a beautiful day knowing God is in control :)